Perpetual panic attacks. Pacing, pacing, pacing, pacing. Pacing and shaking and biting my lips raw. I took too many pills last night and I'm still disoriented this morning, but the panic still shines through and clutches me whole, like an alligator with its prey.

I have a doctor's appointment in two hours. What are they gonna do? Give me more meds, since these ones obviously aren't working. Pump me full of chemicals and maybe I'll act the way society wants. Maybe I'll be sane like everyone else. Maybe I won't be sad and scared anymore.

I don't care what they do anymore. Just do SOMETHING to stop this awful pain. Tear out my heart, remove part of my brain, inject me with experimental drugs.. I'm just praying for someone to pay attention, to realize that I'm not okay. That I need help, but no one will give it. Help.

Panic.